Tuesday, December 2, 2014



I'm a member of a private group for young widowed people on Facebook where we safely discuss sensitive matters that we deal with on a daily basis due to our circumstances. One member recently asked if anyone had a premonition that something terrible was going to happen, and in thinking of my response, a host of memories came flooding back; things I hadn't thought of in a long time. When I think about the thoughts and feelings I had leading up to my husband's unexpected death, and knowing the things that I know now, it kind of blows me away. 

This was my response in that post: 

I was so worried he would get into an accident coming home from school or work, like falling asleep at the wheel, or some other demise. I was getting really nervous about it the days leading up to it. I remember laying my head on his chest when we were in bed one night and listening to his heartbeat thinking, "I gotta soak this up." Why would I think that?? At some point or another, he had told me all of his wishes. I knew he wanted to be cremated, have a party to celebrate his life and not a cry fest, he didn't want to be viewed, specific things like that. And he said if anything ever happened to me first, he would remarry. I was like, "WHAT?? You'd better pine for me for the rest of your living days!" Now I think he was giving me permission while he was still alive. 

I think that not only did I have a "premonition" of my husband's passing, but I think he did as well. Having told me all those details at one point or another during our ten years together (he was only 39 at the time of his accident), I believe a part of him knew, too.